I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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