I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize