dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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