OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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