fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
