Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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