My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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