Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
