I love black thongs
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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