Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
