Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
