Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
