Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
