i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
