If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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