you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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