I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
