i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
