If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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