I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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