Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
