We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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