I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
