You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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