Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
