i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
