Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
