Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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