I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
and you fell through a lawn chair
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
