There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
