I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
