id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
