no, he came in my armpit
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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