Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
