OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
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I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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