I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How naked do you want me to be?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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