Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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