I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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