I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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