it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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