saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
