The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize