i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
