So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
