I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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