Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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