Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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