Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
