i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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