Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
