Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
