I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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