I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
