My room smells like vodka and shame
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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