So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
