I saw his package. It spoke to me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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