Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
