After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize