but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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