I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
