I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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